Habits and patterns of regrets and fears that constrict our being are parasitic to our life force, our wild resiliency, our capacities for deep and wild joy in life. Here’s an exercise description for working with such. It reminds me of the rigorous ‘recapitulation’ process Don Juan facilitated Carlos Castenada through, and of other similar indigenous healing initiations.
“The alchemical process is the opening of the crystal heart; that place inside of you that contains the pure essence of the God and the Goddess, two divine expressions of one self. The letter that the God and Goddess are giving to you contains truth, your challenge with this is to accept the truth about yourself. Most people have difficulty with this because they and you have built your identities on the false beliefs and fears of your past, you have adopted them as truth whether you can prove it or not, whether it is real or not and you have said this is who I am. I have one question for you: are you still willing to live your life motivated by the fearful and judgemental projections of the external world, or, are you ready to be your authentic self? ”
“…The very first thing you are to do is take as much time as you need to write down absolutely every regret you have ever had and have in your life. Write down every fear and negative belief system you have about yourself, about your health, relationships, money, family, your abilities and creativity (A minimum of four under each of those headings). Once you have done this you are then to set those pages aside and imagine yourself as God or Goddess looking down upon you from the midst of the Cosmos, from the realms of pure divine light and love. Take a few minutes to breathe this essence into your body and do not begin the next exercise until you feel the immensity of this power and of this light inside of you. Once you feel it I want you then to write down every pearl of wisdom you can see from the God mind and the Goddess mind that you have gained as a result of your life experiences. I want you to write down every hope, every dream and every joy that you have experienced in your life and then I want you to write a letter to yourself from God/Goddess. In that space God and Goddess will channel through to you. If you find your mind trying to distract you, stop, take a deep breath in, relax and affirm I am God, I am Goddess and repeat it like a mantra for as long as you need until that strong feeling is back again and continue to write. Only stop when you feel everything has been said. Do not analyse the process, do not stop and think about what you are writing let it flow, if there is a judgement that arises while you are writing, stop, breathe in deeply and do your mantras again and continue.
This exercise challenges the old paradigm self to respectfully step down from the podium of ruling your life and to relinquish control to the higher aspect of the human self you are becoming. This is one of the most important exercises you will do for yourself at this time. The purpose behind this exercise is to support the closing down of those access points that the darkness has used to access your fear. You can only release it when you see what you have lived by in relation to your fears, your beliefs and attitudes about yourself. Your regrets become triggers that motivate you and your behaviour, which often manifests as compromise, self sabotage and self wounding, saying yes when you mean no and vice versa. All of your fears, when you see what those fears are and you remember my words at the beginning saying to you that everything within fear, above it, beneath it, before it, behind it and to either side of it is illusion you begin to grasp the fact that the higher wise human has within it’s essence the ability and the tools to transmute all of that. This is one of your major initiations and “tests” so to speak as an alchemist. The alchemist must transform his or her own life before they can truly practice alchemy with others.
This exercise description is adapted for this post and extracted from a larger ‘challening’ piece sent to me by a friend. The original can be found in its entirety at Cosmic Path.